


i couldn't be more in love

by kayzie



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayzie/pseuds/kayzie
Summary: jeonghan struggles to let go.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Yoon Jeonghan
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

jeonghan left his closet open again.

it's nothing serious. he must've overlooked it after putting on a random shirt and boxers after taking a bath last night. he can't really blame himself though. afterall, it's been three months.

three months since he's been alone. in this apartment. in this room.

in this bed that jeonghan and mingyu used to lay in all night.

three months, huh.

it feels really long, but also really short. it's like time flies too fast for him and his daily work, but it's also too slow for his heart. his heart doesn't feel like it has been three months since it got broken. three months is a really short time for him, or for anyone at all, to heal immediately. it's not just like that. it's not as easy. 

he tries not to think about it. drowns himself in paperworks and meetings. maybe, if he tried hard enough, he'll just forget it—without ever thinking about it in the first place. perhaps, if he stored it in the darkest corner of his mind, it doesn't ever have to come to light. jeonghan wonders if he'll be able to never deal with the pain again.

afterall, he already cried his heart out for a week, hasn't he? on the aftermath of his fight with mingyu, while he's lying on the kitchen floor, uncontrollably crying. mingyu left him to his own devices. left him with his heart torn into pieces. left him with no knowledge on how to put it back together.

jeonghan looked at the burgundy sweater, underneath the pile of shirts and blouses. he picked it up, realizing this one is probably mingyu's.

he closed the closet door, brings the sweater up to his face and smelled it.

it still smells like mingyu. it still smells like home.

—

"let it out," seungkwan said. "the more your emotions stay hidden, the more you'll feel worn out."

jeonghan knows he means well. seungkwan is his friend. he just wants him to be happy.

"you're keeping yourself busier than normal. you don't hang out with us anymore, hyung." _i just don't want to bump into mingyu._ "i know you're doing that just so you could ignore your emotions." _i don't want to see him, atleast not now._

"if you won't admit to yourself that you're not feeling well, then how can we help you, hyung?"

  
—

he finally exploded one friday night.

he was just thirsty. he just wanted to drink a goddamn glass of cold water. why the hell can't he even do that properly?

he dropped the glass which shattered to the ground into little pieces. 

he feels so frustrated.

he simply stared down at the shards of glass by his feet, not making any move to clean the mess.

god fucking damn it.

the water soaked his pink fluffy slippers (a gift from mingyu), and now he has to clean this. jeonghan felt frustration crawl up his entire body, he balled his fists tightly, just to let out some tension, and then released it. 

in a way, he was like the glass. broken. unsure of how to clean up the mess he made. 

he never apologized to mingyu. he thought to himself, if mingyu didn't make a move for the two of them to talk, then why should he? it's always been him and his stupid pride. losing always leaves a foul taste in jeonghan's mouth. though this is not a competition, they still had a fight. and before, back when everything was bright and everyone was fine, it's always mingyu who apologizes first. it's always mingyu who admits where he went wrong. and even if it takes all of jeonghan to admit his own mistakes, he eventually does, as long as mingyu does it first.

but this time, no one made the first move.

after their fight, mingyu seemingly disappeared from jeonghan's life. as if he never existed in the first place. which was funny, because his ghost still haunts jeonghan on every corner of this apartment. their memories—on the laundry room. on the bathroom sink where mingyu dyes his hair every month, on the bed where they choose to take the day off for hours of cuddling and sleeping the day away.

memories on this kitchen floor, where mingyu held jeonghan tightly one october night, the very first time he saw jeonghan cry.

now, jeonghan's crying, too. because of the glass he shattered. because he's so fucking broken, he can't even do anything without fucking failing at it. because the glass is just like him. broken. shattered. left to his own devices.

it's october, too, and jeonghan's also crying on the kitchen floor. except mingyu's not here to hold him anymore.


	2. Chapter 2

he was feeling deeply insecure and extra sensitive that day, and he didn't appreciate the way that girl—chaeyeon, was it?—clung to mingyu basically the whole night. he admitted that yes, it was jealousy. jealousy was the reason why he wanted to go home early from mingyu's office party. he was too blinded by jealousy, that's why he was irritated with anything mingyu said. and mingyu was tired, hungry, and upset. 

but so is jeonghan.

chaeyeon's pretty, she's tall and got a good sense of humor too. she's that girl you could bring to your family dinner and not worry about your parents liking her, because they probably already do. 

unlike him, who got into an almost heated argument with mingyu's sister the first time she barged into mingyu's room, only to not find mingyu there. but rather, a scrawny jeonghan who doesn't appreciate his sleep being interrupted. in his defense, he didn't know they were siblings, yet still, it left him a bad impression with his boyfriend's sister.

it was so easy to lose himself in the spiral of insecurity that follows that train of thought. 

it went from a small argument because jeonghan closed the car door with more force than necessary—to full blown shouting at each other and broken "i love you, why can't you do this for me"s. 

the thing is, mingyu hates fights. he hates it when they're neck deep in their negative emotions that they can't bear to listen to each other; can't communicate their thoughts properly. he knows how jeonghan's temper is, and although he's mellowed out in their years together, it still gets on his nerves sometimes. he tries his best to understand jeonghan, puts himself in the other's shoes—but he lost it when jeonghan got too mouthy and said something mingyu never thought he'd hear him say.

"jeonghan hyung—  _ are you for fucking real? _ are you seriously accusing me of cheating on you?" he lashes out, "for fuck's sake, i'm not the one with a lee seokmin hanging off my arm every goddamn time my boyfriend picks me up from work!"

it's the intensity of his gaze, the poison in his words. jeonghan hates it when mingyu raises his voice at him. he felt the beginning of tears pooling in his eyes, and even though mingyu regretted it instantly, it didn't change the fact that that shit  _ hurt. _ "h-hyung. i-i…" the taller called out meekly, submissively. jeonghan looked down when the tears finally spilled out. his nails dig into his palms. 

_ you fucked up, again. _

"i'm sorry, hyung, i didn't mean to shout like that." mingyu reaches out to take jeonghan's face in his hands but his hands were slapped by the other's. jeonghan curls in on himself. "get out, mingyu." he chokes out, voice cracking.

"hyung, please, please. let's talk about this, don't shut me out, please?" mingyu said in a rush, hoping that jeonghan will listen to him this time.

_ you fucked this up, just like how you did with everything else in your life. _

"i said get out!"

—

seokmin is a funny guy jeonghan met at work.

he's always laughing and has such a blinding smile. he's got a good personality and very responsible, too. seokmin has this voice that many people in their department loves, especially when he sings. he's talented and really good at sports. they're not friends, but they know each other. they talk casually when needed, but it's mostly just seokmin asking things and jeonghan answering with short phrases and curt nods.

in his defense, he didn't know that seokmin liked (likes?) him that way. mingyu once asked who seokmin was, on the rare occurrence that he picked jeonghan up from work. he might've felt the tense atmosphere between the two, as seokmin waved him goodbye and mingyu's arm wrapped possessively on his side. he's too overwhelmed with glee, afterall, mingyu picked him up, they're having dinner together, and he's shown him off with a co-worker.

it's nothing against seokmin, it's just—

back when he and mingyu were still dating, jeonghan has always been a little too sensitive, and a lot more possessive. he gets jealous way too easily, and, well, when you have a partner as gorgeous as mingyu, who wouldn't be? added to the fact that jeonghan is so, so insecure. always wondering if he's enough, if he's doing enough, if he's worthy. always thinking of ways on how to make mingyu stay, and never leave.

it only makes sense that mingyu would feel that way too, albeit it'd be unfair to put all the blame on seokmin. it's not his fault that their relationship is this rocky. their lack of communication isn't seokmin's fault. it's mostly just jeonghan. 

just jeonghan, and his goddamn fear of fucking it up, that he ends up fucking it up even more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry this is such a mess hhhhh i hope you forgive me for hurting gyuhan:(( they'll come around, i promise!! please stay tuned for my updates, i'll see you soon!! leave comments and kudos if you liked it <3


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